Whatever...?

Dear Readers,

There comes a time for everybody when you question your own mentality...Today is my day! I think I am about to break in pieces...I thought I am fine but I am not...I thought I got over the trauma...I thought I forgot the pain...I was about to declare myself happy! But it's a lie! I am not happy...I needed just one song to realize that I am hurt! I was trying to draw...the result...a red angel with a broken wing! I think I am getting out of my mind, honestly! Such a confusion...like the whole world is in my hands and I have no idea what to do with it!

I was digging deep inside my brain as to find out in the end that I am not healed from the pain...Or maybe I just have this stupid crush on dramas...or the world seems a darker place today! I wonder how is it possible just a song to bring back all memories, to make you feel the same things...Like I am going back to the past all of a sudden! And I needed this because...? Just to realize that I am about to break...that I am playing another role! God, I thought I am controlling the whole thing! I looked in the mirror and I was shocked...this fake expression of a wonderful life (you know: fancy clothes, perfect hair, lipstick, huge smile) is such a delusion! How can I keep on maintaning the same image all of the time? What the hell is going on here...?

Dear readers, I don't think I can keep on writing...I am too messed up...I feel like my heart is a highway with too much traffic on it...It's too noisy, too overloaded, too heavy...too confusing!

Anyway...here are the lyrics of the song that opened my eyes for my real feelings (Do not keep on reading if you have weak nerves)! However, this is what always happen with me...it's like somebody read my thoughts!

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can?t destroy what isn?t there

Deliver me into my fate
If I?m alone I cannot hate
I don?t deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn?t face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn?t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren?t my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I won?t listen to your shame
You ran away, you?re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don?t ever let me know
If you still care don?t ever let me know