It's been a long time (or not that long actually) since I haven't written in here...It is not that I didn't have what to say...maybe trying to be an adult and take responsibilities is the reason to miss sharing with you my thoughts! With three words: Too Much Work!
Anyway, today a strange thought crossed my mind...Okay, I was listening to Blink 182 and suddenly Winamp played The Stockholm Syndrome song. So, it was like a stroke...I couldn't help but start wondering about this strange condition of human's mind. Let me give the definition first:
"In psychology, the Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims" (Source Wikipedia).
You know, I have felt the same way towards people who hurt me. Of course I haven't been a hostage in the common way (Thanks God for that) but I have been psychological hostage in a relationship. There is such a syndrome in our relations, don't you think? For example...you start dating somebody, he/she is gorgeous and kidnaps your heart...then all of a sudden...the things change...he/she starts torturing you with requirements or even worse but you still feel like you owe something to this person. I have noticed that some people accept even disadvantages and attitude they cannot forgive as a weakness in the rest of the humanity...Isn't this strange? Is the chemistry between two people stronger than our respect to ourselves? If so...where is your personal space in this case? Can we call this love...or just addiction...?
Take a look at the symptoms of this syndrome...I am sure you will find something interesting to think about:
- Hostages who develop Stockholm syndrome often view the perpetrator as giving life by simply not taking it. In this sense, the captor becomes the person in control of the captive’s basic needs for survival and the victim’s life itself.( Don't you find it somehow similar to our devotion to people or things from time to time...like this is the only person or thing in the world that can give any meaning to your life)
- The hostage endures isolation from other people and has only the captor’s perspective available. Perpetrators routinely keep information about the outside world’s response to their actions from captives to keep them totally dependent(I have observed that some people get isolated from the other world when they "fall in love"...and suddenly they get under the partner's control)
- The hostage taker threatens to kill the victim and gives the perception of having the capability to do so. The captive judges it safer to align with the perpetrator, endure the hardship of captivity, and comply with the captor than to resist and face murder.(Ok, I can't say that in a relationship one of the partners is threatening the other with murder but it is a normal psychological attack when he/she says all of the time "if you do this...I will leave you". Especially if the other side is trully in love...such a great manipulation of energy and feelings...)
- The captive sees the perpetrator as showing some degree of kindness. Kindness serves as the cornerstone of Stockholm syndrome; the condition will not develop unless the captor exhibits it in some form toward the hostage. However, captives often misinterpret a lack of abuse as kindness and may develop feelings of appreciation for this perceived benevolence. If the captor is purely evil and abusive, the hostage will respond with hatred. But, if perpetrators show some kindness, victims will submerge the anger they feel in response to the terror and concentrate on the captors’ “good side” to protect themselves
I was thinking that I have an old crush on dramas and sadness too...of course, I consider myself as some kind of an artist (well, it is too much to be said this way, since I prefer to say: "I am not an artist, I am just having fun")...I have thought during the past years that pain, anger, disappointment are the only things that allow me to create...so, I have been hurting myself in numerous ways without even realizing I am looking for pain. So, in this case I have been a hostage of stupid relationships, stupid addictions (I am not talking about drugs or alcohol, please!)...and for what? Yes, I know...sometimes the disappointment of the current state of the world is what makes an artist express the alternate reality he/she has in his/her mind...(well, this is in the case of the artists only).
But yet, in common...I don't think we should ever excuse somebody's behaviour just because it seems right and we are afraid of not loosing this person...! I guess we should think first if we have ever had this person in any way, or he/she has us!
Psychologists explain the syndrome this way: "this tendency might be the result of employing the strategy evolved by newborn babies to form an emotional attachment to the nearest powerful adult in order to maximize the probability that this adult will enable—at the very least—the survival of the child, if not also prove to be a good parental figure. This syndrome is considered a prime example for the defense mechanism of identification."
So, dear readers, I know that now this post sounds too creepy but I have been thinking about this unhealthy way of building a relationships with the other people. I wish we, the human beings, were able to launch constructive relations...you know, based on mutual understanding, mutual interest, equal love...
Okay, I should be working now...I wonder why these thoughts even entered my mind...maybe I should stop reading too much psychological books :)
Well, dear readers, have a nice rest of the day and thank you for loosing some time to read this (I admit) strange post :)
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