A post about love...or not?

Dear Readers,

to those of You, who believe in Saint Valentine's Day, I wish you to spend the day in the way you consider it as a perfect! Please, do not keep on reading this post if you are optimistic about this date and about love because it is not intended for people like you! Thank you!

So...again...Dear Readers...or Dear Me,

It was kind of inevitable to start thinking about love today...the reason...the whole city is under the wave of hearts, toys, Cupids, roses, etc. It smells like candies and even the light turned to be pink today...No matter how strong you are, you just cannot avoid these annoying thoughts! To be honest, I wasn't thinking about love in common because it is too subjective term. We can love a lot of things and still not celebrating this holiday...we can believe in eternal love or whatever but everyone of us has different sense for this feeling. That is why, I can talk about my own opinion on this matter and only about this.

I have already said what I consider as a true love. This is the base for me...However, when I turn back the time and think about my life so far I realize that I have never been trully in love with anybody! I can say and be 100% sure that I love fashion...you know, I am ready to excuse all of its disadvantages, I cannot survive a single minute without it, I dream about it, think about it all of the time, be ready to die for it even if necessary! So, I have always thought that I should feel the same way about a person, if I ever fall in love. The thing is that it seems impossible to me...On principle I am really diplomatic person, I am always looking for a way to the others and I am always starting the conversation with a smile. I am totally different in a relationship...all of a sudden I feel like my freedom is threatened, like I am in a cage. Being with somebody for me means to let my worst sides out...my revolting sides...as some kind of attempt to keep my privacy, to keep my inner world untouched and unchanged. I push the person to all extremes I can imagine and in the end...I run...as fast as I can! I was thinking about this today...

I reached to the conclusion that I am not the only one to blame about this behaviour! All of the times so far, men fall in love with some of my characters. They choose only one of the numerous Gerganas I have in me...It is normal at some point but the other Gerganas feel neglected and starting to compete to go out, to get revealed...I need to be free to change myself, to push myself to extremes, to try my abilities, my power, to enrich my inner world...Sadly, this behaviour is usually considered as not mature and definitely crazy! I cannot blame the world for rejecting the difference...after all our civilization, our habits are based on inertion. We have reached to those point that it seems there's nothing much to be achieved, no more getting higher. Most of the people prefer to stay on this level and don't move...I don't judge them...I just don't understand this! How could it be possible? How can somebody be satisfied with the current state? And if there is something better out there? Some better reality? If your spirit is as rich as to make everything possible...then what? Will you prefer to stay where you are instead of break your head in a risk?

This is something that I am always trying to show to people! Especially in a relationship where I believe I need to be myself, to show all sides of me...it is sad because I always end up disappointed and disappointment is the worst thing in such situation!

Anyway, dear readers, dear me...I am not much into writing today! I suddenly lost any interest in this subject! It's like I am avoiding it all of my life...

So, have a nice rest of today and keep on smiling...the rest will come on its place anyway!