What's behind...

Dear Readers,

It’s been a long time since my last post. I wish I could say that something wonderful happened but I cannot lie this way…Actually, I can lie but there is no point to do it!

The world is exactly the same as it used to be, maybe I am just a little bit different…

I am still thinking about the beauty and the point of being beautiful…don’t you think it is the most unnecessary thing in this world? What of the fact that everybody say I am beautiful? What of the fact that everybody say I am sexy? What of the fact that everybody think I am extraordinary? What is the benefit of all of this? I feel like I am an entertainer…just giving wonderful time to everybody, giving part and part of myself…thinking that I am having fun, thinking that I can take it, thinking that I enjoy to be temporarily adored…It could be fun but it is painful as well. I used to feel this way since I was a kid…People always coming and going and I always believe it is my fault. I always think that I am not perfect enough and if I have done this or that, everything would be different!

Believe me, dear readers…there is no right way of living…you are always in a mistake, especially when you were born to be different! The destiny of the artist is just to be an entertainer, nothing more. You know…show must go on…my make up maybe fake but I will keep on smiling. Finding the power to create enjoyable reality, finding the power to convince people that everything is okay. If you just think about it you will understand that I am right…there is almost no artist in this world, who has ever been happy! Maybe for a certain moment…maybe for a blink of an eye…but not more than this! To see the details, to be sensitive, to be unusual…it could be a gift, but it is more like a curse! And beauty…it is a curse as well. I have been observing the couples on the street! Do you know what I noticed…if the woman is not beautiful or charming, she has a partner, she is loved, adored, she has received flowers. Otherwise, the woman collects all eyes, even the men in the couples are watching at her but she is alone. Maybe she looks like a model, maybe she is just gorgeous but what is for sure is that she is alone. She walks on the street proud with herself but nobody knows that behind the polite smile, the noble gestures, there is only pain. She will go home, open the door and find the empty place again and again. Maybe sometimes she will go home with somebody, she will spend a week, or some nights with a man, who swears in pure love, who adores her, who promises that he will never leave…But in the end everybody leaves…of course, the beautiful woman will hear that he will never forget her, he will never meet someone like her, she is unique and he is sure that she will be happy…but she has heard this so many times that she cannot even count it anymore. The worst part is that nobody can change this…nobody and nothing! No drugs, no drinking, nothing…she feels the emptiness no matter what! No matter guys, no matter adrenaline, no matter, no matter, no matter!

So, dear readers, beauty has been created to be consumed, to be sucked, to be used and to be forgotten. And perfection…it’s just an illusion because there is no right answer…and there is no right answer because you cannot fit everywhere. You just have your shape, you are designed to be something and no matter how hard you try you cannot change this. You can force yourself, push yourself to extremes but where the hell is the satisfaction? Nowhere!

Anyway…the best thing in this life is that it will come to its end and our souls will keep on their adventures in other shapes and closed in other limits! Indeed, I have been too optimistic when I came to this world, like I have been thinking I can change the whole human kind…but this is me…the only thing I can hope for is that the next time I have to choose my material expression, I won’t be that optimistic but more egoistic!

Have fun today, dear readers! And don’t forget to consume as much beauty as you can!