The come back...

Dear Readers,

a lot of months passed before I sit down in front of the white sheet...like I was scared to do it. The white surface attracted me many times but it looked way much better without my thoughts on it.

I have to admit that I have passed through many emotions, through many changes, through a lot of pain, suffer, self regret with some accessories of happiness, satisfaction and passion. I have been thinking about myself as a computer with database instead of brain. Somehow I replaced my soul, my real freedom with the stupid files of life I have received from my childhood and the surrounding area.

For example, I have always been a nomad in my life...changing my location from time to time...running from place to place like this movement will make me feel better, will give me the inner peace I am striving for. Indeed, I've seen a lot of different places in the world but last time I went abroad I realized...a single place, a single person, a single posession can't give you the full happiness. Do you know what? Because it's all temporary...people die, places get ruined, money could be gone, food can be over and so what? One day you are on the peak...then you are so low that you can't even believe you're still alive. I have been trying to define happiness...I asked many people I met on my way and they all pointed material things as a symbol of happiness or a person to make them satisfied. C'mon...we are building our cage on moving sands! The only true meaning of happiness is to connect to your soul, to run with the wolves in your mentality, to find the true relationship with your spirit!

I admit, I have been soo addicted to material things, like shoes, clothes, cars...to my appearance, to people's approval, to people's admiration. And what did I get? Nothing...not that I didn't get what I wanted but I totally ruined my life for some months. I got abused of people, blamed, pointed like a fake person and so on...and why is that? Because I was trying to impress the world, to go here or there just to find myself. But dear readers, you're not living in any country for real! Your soul is endless, borderless...it's everywhere...like the sky, like the air we breathe...

Ok, I lost inertion of writing and I probably sound too crazy to most of you but you know what...I don't really care anymore. Better don't like me for who I am than like me for who I am NOT :)